lessons learned

Well, the semester is finally over and done, and with it my time at JSU comes to an end. It’s been a good three years; for all the trial and tribulations, not only do I have a degree (and 4 graduate credits should I ever decide to return to grad school), but I have a wealth of knowledge and experiences that are priceless and that have indelibly shaped my life’s course for the better.

One of the most important things I’ve learned is that, while my conscientiousness and thoughtfulness sometimes cause me unnecessary stress, they are, in fact, traits which serve me well. It is none other than these traits which cause me to consistently put out quality work, whether in school or at work. And the important lesson here is this: So long as I put forth my best effort to meet my own (overly high) expectations, I will nearly always exceed the expectations of others, and certainly meet them at the very least.

My research paper experience made this plain to me. Despite my fretting over the last few weeks, in the end I cranked out what I deem to be a solid piece of scholarly work, and I was actually proud of what I turned in to my professors. I’m still waiting on feedback before I revise it for submission to the Preyer scholars competition, but I feel good about the work that I’ve done, which is a pleasant feeling indeed.

This semester has also taught me that, while others may indeed share the passion and fervor for knowledge that fuels my scholastic endeavors, I do have an innate advantage which lies inside my skull. Although I often times curse my intelligence because I’m constantly over-thinking everything and from time to time it seems to impede my ability to reach a mindstate even resembling the ignorant bliss of the masses, in the end I am grateful to have a sharp, keen mind with which to understand the world around me.

I’m writing this not to toot my own horn, but because I know I’ll be entering a whole new world at Tulane Law School. I’ll be surrounded by other bright, driven young folks as opposed to the poorly educated slackers who comprised the bulk of my so-called “peers” at JSU. And I’m certain that in law school I’ll face intellectual challenges unlike any I’ve encountered thus far in my educational adventures. That being the case, this is simply an exercise in bolstering my assurance in myself; a way to store up my confidence for those inevitable times in the coming years when I’ll be questioning myself and my ability to succeed.

With the semester over and done I’ve returned to work full time, which sucks in a way I’ll not indulge myself in describing, because it does no good to dwell on such unpleasantries. All there is to do is suck it up, grin, and bear it for the next several weeks. The tricky part is going to be reserving enough mental energy to plan and effectuate The Move after working 9+ hour days, but I’ve no doubt that I’ll make it work, someway somehow.

In addition to planning The Move, I’ve got many projects underway, most of which are related in some way to relocating my household or remaking my life into that of a law student. Redesigning this blog and my web presence over at jkhammack.com are among these projects, so be on the lookout for changes and links and such, as well as more regular postings.

and the paper progresses

	848
45
lab.drwicked.com

This application is awesome. It literally forces you to write. I highly recommend availing yourself of Dr. Wicked's assistance should you find yourself faced with a blank screen and a deadline.

The paper is coming along, slowly but surely. Those 848 words are still significantly short of the 1500 required for my first draft, but when combined with my notes and fleshed out -- as in, no longer written-on-the-spot but edited for clarity and style -- I think I'll be pretty close. I've still got three hours before I'm forcing myself to take a break and go laugh off some of this stress at this evening's performance by the Intellectual Bulimics' Comedy Troupe at Fenian's. During that time I intend to continue making progress, and I'll have several hours tomorrow after work for final touch-ups before I must submit the draft online in the evening...

deadlines and decisions

I've given it much thought, and I've decided to go to Tulane Law School. Tomorrow I'll submit my decision and commitment deposit to the University, and commence with frantically planning The Move.

Meanwhile, April 15th looms ahead with a hefty tax bill to pay, and the first draft of my research paper for Women's History is due that day, too. Right now I'm taking a break from transcribing notes and thinking about how I shall compile the thoughts I've had and research I've done over the last several months into a coherent narrative. I take comfort in the fact that my submission for Wednesday is really and truly a first draft, and that I'll have two more weeks still to tweak it for a final grade. This also leaves me plenty of time to spend at the Archives in an effort to dig up some biographical info on my main cast of characters, who are still just plaintiffs and defendants at this point since all my primary source research thus far has taken place at the Law Library where little biographical info is available.

Honestly, though, I'm struggling to maintain momentum and muster motivation. The more I think about moving to New Orleans and going to law school, the more excited I become about the prospect, and the less I find myself concerned about my performance in these two grad school classes at JSU. I'm convinced that my future success lies along the legal tract, which leaves me without much care as to putting forth the effort to be a stellar grad school student in these last few weeks of the semester. That's not a productive attitude, however, so I'm reminding myself that this paper is not just for class requirements; I do, after all, intend to submit a polished version for possible presentation at the Preyer Panel at the American Society for Legal History 2009 Conference. So I'm working through the ennui, but struggling to do so.

And thoughts about The Move await in the wings all the while. I'm really not sure how we will accomplish it; I've never moved so far before! I don't know how to find a place sufficiently ahead of time but not so far ahead of time that we would have to pay 2 rents for 2 or 3 months - which we can't feasibly do! - in order to snag it up before some other student does. All the challenges aside, I'm eager and excited that we will make it work, somehow.

I also find myself preoccupied with anticipation of transitioning from grad student to law student. (Which will mean re-naming this blog!) I've been talking to my boss, who survived law school 20-some years ago, about what it's like to be a law school student, and from what she tells me I've got a rough row to hoe during the first year. And to make things more challenging, it will be nothing like the schooling I've grown accustomed to. We both know I'm up for the challenge, though, and I know I'll find it all immensely interesting, and so it is just one more aspect of this whole newfound-direction-for-my-life that I am eager to embrace. And one that easily distracts me from the tasks at hand.

For now, it's back to the research paper. Tomorrow I've set aside time for taxes and budgeting and other planning for The Move, but break time is over and so I shall end this idle screed.

careful considerations

I must submit a decision to Tulane Law School in ten days. Last week Hubby and I took a lovely trip to New Orleans, in part as a belated birthday celebration trip, but primarily so that I could visit the Tulane campus and meet with faculty members with whom I've been corresponding since the fall, when this Grad School Admissions Game began.

I was impressed with the campus, but moreso with the encouragement and kindness of the faculty. One professor in particular expressed her willingness to help me plan and embark upon a career as a legal scholar if I'm willing to work hard to get there. I certainly am willing to put forth the effort, which has me seriously considering attending Tulane, even though I've been rejected by the History Department and therefore cannot pursue both a J.D. and Ph.D. there.

My faculty meetings helped me to realize that both degrees aren't strictly necessary in order for me to make a happy life for myself. I'm confident that, with Tulane faculty as my allies, I can carve out a successful path forward from Tulane Law School and find a happy balance between the law and the academy, the two things I've demonstrated an aptitude and passion for. And New Orleans, as always, is irresistibly charming. Both Hubby and I would positively love to live there. It's relatively close to all things familiar and familial, much moreso than Albany, which is the only other school to offer me admission thus far. I still haven't heard from UC Riverside, but there, again, the distance from here seems insurmountable.

So I've much thinking and talking with Hubby to do, because I've only ten days to make my final decision known to Tulane.

Other than having this major, life-changing decision on the horizon, all is well. The vacation was much-needed and thoroughly enjoyable, even despite a low-grade fever that marred my enjoyment of the first day and which has since evolved into a sore throat and mass of yellow gunk inside my head. I'm on top of my school work at present, although the research paper is coming along more slowly than I would prefer, despite my diligent primary-source research the week of Spring Break. But I'll not fret about that as I have three weeks still to work towards completion of that project.

Tomorrow it's back to school-and-work, after a lovely weekend of studying and writing interspersed amongst much cooking and a little cleaning. Another month and the semester will be all but over, and with the semester winding to a close I shall strive to make more time for blogging...

of race and stratification

The fact that race is socially constructed does not negate the fact that systematically different patterns of outcomes are produced within a racially stratified society.

-- Michael C. Dawson

from Black Visions

This observation seems particularly germane for this white-skinned HBCU alumnus...

And, as a side note, it would seem to apply equally as well to gender as a social construct.

spring ahead

I can hardly believe that it's March already! But sure enough, mid-terms are upon me, the vibrant colors are spring are sprouting up all around, and warmer weather has arrived.

For whatever reason this semester has been more of a challenge for me than last. (I mostly blame the pol sci class.) 'Tis certainly a challenge I can meet, but it has required a substantial investment of my time and mental energy, leaving me little time for idle blogging, or cooking, or doing much of anything at all at my own pace. And I don't mean to complain, because I'm making much progress in my pursuit of knowledge. Although much of my progress has been intangible thus far, my mind is nevertheless steadily absorbing a more detailed, nuanced understanding of the world around me, which is always a good thing.

And truly, being super-busy is a welcome distraction from fretting about my future, because through all of this, the Grad-School-Admissions-Decision Waiting Game continues. I've been rejected by three of my chosen schools, albeit the three most selective. I've been accepted to Tulane Law School, but I've not yet received a response from the History Department to know fully what my options are. Nevertheless, this news has been of great comfort to my confidence, which had been mightily bruised by the slew of rejections.

So I continue to wait, cultivating the virtue of patience all the while, knowing not where I might fund myself this autumn, or what I might be doing...

Also in the way of encouraging developments: I'm in talks with my pol sci professor (who happens to be the chair of the department) about doing some assistantship work for him. I believe that I could provide some invaluable organizational assistance to such a busy academic as Professor Orey -- what with my 6+ years of experience keeping busy attorneys organized -- even while adding a sparkling new category to my curriculum vitae. As with much else, only time will tell what might come of this...

Meanwhile, after months of mulling around possible topics, I've reached the point of beginning a new research paper in earnest. (More on that later, in a new post.)

Something I've been telling myself lately is that I should endeavor to blog more; to use these pages as a utility to help me think complex concepts though, to catalog my many ideas and interests, and to help me expand my vocabulary. As Dr. Davis once told me, writing is a performance art, and for that reason blogging can do me naught but good as an aspiring writer.

But I won't fret too much about not having made the time lately to devote to blogging, for I can (and likely will) always aspire to do better. Overall I'm doing quite well with the balancing act of work, home, and school, and I simply must come to terms with my tendency to want to over-achieve. I must remind myself that, at the end of the day, my best will almost always be good enough.

of race, class, and sex

Black women are a prism through which the searing rays of race, class and sex are first focused, then refracted. The creative among us transform these rays into a spectrum of brilliant colors, a rainbow which illuminates the experience of all mankind.

-- Margaret B. Wilkerson

from A Shining Thread of Hope (Hine and Thompson, 1998)